do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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