That's intense
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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