I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
