Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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