dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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