I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
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IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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