Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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