You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
