I didn't shave. On purpose
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize