Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
