Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
