You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
