By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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