Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Everyone says I win the strip club
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
