u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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