I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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