You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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