definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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