I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
