I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
