in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
