North Korea, Best Korea!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
