I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
