He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
