flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
