Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
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Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
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I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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