Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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