i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
