I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
