thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
