According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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