i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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