Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
