Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
