shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
