Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
