the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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