Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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