She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
