Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Randomize
