Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize