I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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