I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
