he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
