he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
