I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
