you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
is wine microwaveable?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
