On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
