Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
