yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
