he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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