WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
is it fun? or sober?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
