I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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