we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
