end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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