Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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