He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
