i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
