we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
