i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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