btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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