i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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