I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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