i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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