i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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