Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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