well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
